I know this is late, but while everyone has already celebrated the best of 2009, it's time to shove a red hot poker into the bowels of 2009 and revel in the biggest fails.
In no discernible order:
1. The Centrum Silver Jay Leno Hour Debuts
I get it. It's cheap. He's valuable and ABC almost kicked Jimmy Kimmel down a notch to get him and by Grabthar's hammer, NBC wasn't going to have another Letterman debacle. Having said that, it's like someone went to NBC and replaced all the sugar in the coffee room with that huge ball of ribbon candy that's been sitting at your grandparents' house since 1954 that now comes out of the dish in a massive ball of hard, tasteless junk. NBC could have done something better. They could have brought his web series "Jay's Garage" to the network or used him to finally get "Top Gear USA" off the ground. But instead, we get a show that has been the bane of every local station. Local news has dropped dramatically. Why? Because most people manage to at least TiVo the first few minutes of the news while trying to tape ER or any of the 5 billion Dunh Dunh! spin-offs. The only people who TiVo Jay are people who go to bed at 8PM and wake up 4AM because they have an overactive bladder. In the meantime, NBC, which has been a 4th place network already is sucking it up so hard that the CW can actually dream that this might be their year.
2. The Short Bus to Atlantic City
Jersey Shore's best advertising is a dwarf of a woman getting punched in the face and they didn't even show it on their program. The characters seem like people who should be on I Love Money 3, but that would require doing something other than drinking and partying. It's sad when the Governor of New Jersey is telling you to please stop and go away. And what I don't believe is that this show is sticking around while Clone High was canceled solely for pissing off the nation of India for its portrayal of Gandhi. (OK, that's unfair. India and Gandhi far outweigh the state of New Jersey, but still, we are picking a battle FOR trash television.) If all goes as planned, we would be seeing The Situation on I Love New York 3.
3. I'm a Celebrity and I Needed to Be Raped and Murdered by Glenn Beck in 1990
I think it's the general consensus that Heidi and Spencer Pratt should get ass cancer and die a long and painful death, but that wouldn't work, because they'd turn it into yet another reality series featuring these douchebags. So it was no surprise that their stint on the return of a really, bad idea was an even worse idea. Sure, it got ratings for a short while and we learned to increase our hate for them, but at who cares. Until publicly televised executions are legalized, I don't want to see these two ever again.
4. Screw turning over Roe v. Wade. Let's make abortion mandatory.
Between Octomom, Jon and Kate, I think that the nation is now more impotent than ever. (Oh yea,Who the hell wants kids anymore? Really! It's not even an enjoyable freak of nature to see someone have octuplets anymore. It's now an argument to repeal welfare. Screw all of you and the folks at Wife Swap. We're never going to catch up with China if we don't have enough hands for child labor.
5. The only pundit I want to hear from ever again has a first name and it's Korla. Wait, that's Pandit.
You all suck. We don't have news anymore. We have retarded half-assed conspiracy theories from random douchebags who want to be on television by any means necessary. This isn't something new to 2009. It's just a deeper well. It's said that Jon Stewart has become the only news person people trust. This isn't because he's not good. It's because he's a comedian on a network where his lead in is flash animated swearing pieces of construction paper. He's the first one to admit that and it's sad that in the nearly 20 years since CNN blew up during the first Iraq invasion, this is where we are with news gathering. It just cemented again that there will never be another Edward R. Murrow or Walter Cronkite again.
There are more I know, but this is all I got in me for now. If you even managed to show up to this site, feel free to post your biggest TV fails of 2009. (Except Balloon Boy. They got enough press for being liars and morons.)
No comments:
Post a Comment