Review: Finger (The Bishop Revival)

First off, I'd like to leave this open letter to Time Warner Cable...

Dear TWC,

I've come to the realization that you either (a) hate me or (b) just suck. Lately, for some bizarre reason, random slots on my guide come up as "To Be Announced" and more importantly, they seem to be in the slots of shows I have on series record. So why am I paying $10/month for a DVR service and $8.50/month for a box that can't function properly. I might as well get rid of it entirely and just watch all of the shows online for free the next day because you sure aren't doing your part.

In conclusion, I think Johnny Carson put it best when he said "Fuck you."

Sincerely,
Fuck You

Okay...now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's my review of last night's episode of Fringe.

I'm starting to like these one-offs better than the episodes that concentrate on the major storylines. The best part is how subtle they actually tied into Bishop Jr. not being from this plane. (Oh crap, I just gave away a spoiler. Well from here on out you'll have to highlight the text that are spoilers if you want to read them.) Maybe I'm the only one who noticed it but why isn't anyone questioning why Walter was affected by the toxin, but not Peter? I'm guessing this is something that was best left alone to work on one of the other bigger questions. How the hell did the Nazi guy live that long? I guess we'll never know. Personally, as much as I'm not a big fan of art involving the Nazis, I liked the collage pieces. They were pretty well done even if they were totally creepy.

All in all, I'd like to say that this was one of the best episodes of the season. Especially considering that I'm sick of the father-son exploration this show somehow tries to shove in to every episode. I also couldn't believe that Walter totally killed that guy. That was totally impressive.

Note: You may be wondering why I'm writing this review like someone in middle school who spends more time making ball point pen art on denim notebooks than someone with the semblance of intelligence even if rudimentary. It's because I'm tired. And frankly, I've been more entertained by you tube lately than writing. So for the hell of it, here is a sample of mental retardation I've been experiencing. Enjoy.

Stop hating me TV

It's been a while since I posted anything, so for the next week or so, I've decided to start some open letters that will tide things over.

Dear television,

You and I have had a tumultuous relationship, I know. Ever since I rediscovered my XBOX 360, you've kind of drifted into the background. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I wasn't blowing you off, it's just... Okay, let's be honest, you haven't been putting out lately. I know you have some great stuff coming out, but I can't sit idly when you spin out such garbage as American Idol or The Golden Globes. Yes, I know, a lot of people love American Idol. I'm just not one of them and I'm not saying that to be cool. It's just not my cup of tea, bag of weed, type of lunch box, picnic basket, midlife crisis car or whatever euphemism the kids are using these days. Anyway, my point is that you don't have to get back at me by randomly not recording programs I actually do like. It's like you want the shows I like to fail because I played Assassin's Creed II too much. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I finished that game and it meant nothing. No, really, I... Don't talk to me that way. I totally care about you. What? Baby, don't go... I need you... The last season of Lost is on next... Baby? Sweety?

Okay, well, it looks like things are going to escalate.

$$$: Conan Knows Best

If you are watching the hulu/nbc broadcast version of last night's Conan, you will notice that this part was edited out. I wonder why...

An Open Letter to Steve MacPherson and the Creators of LOST

I have a great idea for a promo.

Make it a leak of the very last scene of the series finale of Lost a la last scene of the series finale of Arrested Development.

INT. STEVE MACPHERSON'S OFFICE - DAY - 2007

STEVE
THAT's the ending to the show? Are you kidding me?

DAMON, CARLTON, J.J.
Yeah, pretty much. We thought it was a good ending at the time.
STEVE
There's no way I could put this on the air. People will be sending us hate mail for years. They'll can me. You must be out of your (expletive) minds! (Pause.) What am I going to do?

DAMON
Well, Jay Leno's contract is almost up. You can put him in our time slot.

J.J.
Damon's got a good point. His show would be a hell of a lot cheaper than our show.

CARLTON
Or for that matter any show. You could put him on five days a week.

Long uncomfortable pause followed by laughter.

DAMON
I'm kidding.

CARLTON & J.J.
We're kidding.

STEVE
Now THAT's crazy. You'd have to be (another expletive) to even think of doing that. You know what? It's fine. By the time, it's over anyways, no one will even remember why they were watching it in the first place. Just promise me one thing.

DAMON, CARLTON, J.J.
What?

STEVE
Don't go to FOX.

DAMON
Sure.

CARLTON
I wasn't planning to.

Another uncomfortable pause.

J.J.
About that...

SMASH CUT TO LOST END LOGO

You can pay me later.

Let's Get Rancid: Spoilers for the final season of Lost

Here is a link to the spoilers listed on TV Squad. As a way to keep things awesome for you, I'm listing a bunch of things that are most likely NOT going to happen or don't say anything.

1. The dude who played Leno in that horrible The Late Shift was not listed as one of the people integral to this season.
2. The smoke monster is not really a black man and yes, you are a racist for thinking that.
3. Benjamin Linus will not find the Ark of the Covenant and have his face melted off, but 2 out of 5 people agree that would be cool.
4. Hurley will save the Dharma Initiative rec center with a break dancing contest.
5. There will be some motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane.
6. Kate will hook up with Bernard.
7. Sayid and Ilana will form the Wonder Twins. Form of Dental Surgical Tools!!! Shape of a gun!!!
8. Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice, Aquaman loses his shit and burns the motherfucker down.
9. Miles will be killed by a trap that Jigsaw set.
10. With the events never having happened on the island, Jack will end up having to become the patriarch of his family once his parents die.
11. Locke will be arrested for his involvement with Millennium group and their biological attack.
12. Charlie will succumb to the ring.
13. Boone is outed at a dinner with her alcoholic mom.
14. Walt is replaced with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
15. Vincent the dog is really anti-Jacob

Okay, that's all I got right now.

Because It's On: Friday

My DVR's Idea of a Good Time

Dunh! Dunh! & Dateline: NBC's longest running triage team of what to put on when something fails.

Your DVR's Idea of a Good Time

Friday Night Smackdown: One of the few places where steroid use actually increases viewership.

Dollhouse: While everyone's joining sides in the Twilight saga of the Universal City wars, here is a show that is also being pulled. Where's their love? Huh? What about the children? think of the children!

Medium: I'm not a fan, but I know you are. I'm also rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks back on to you.

Ghost Whisperer: Because Medium is too much for you to handle.

Shark Tank: An adaptation of BBC's The Dragon's Den where people bow in front of lords and beg for money. I'm not watching this because I don't like it when people ask me favors on my daughter's wedding day, but that's just me.

Numb3rs and 20/20 are also on, but I'm too tired to come up with something funny to say.

Jay Leno Show: Because cat fights are cool.

This looks legit

I'd hire him if I had some Coldplay tickets.