Because It's On: Tuesday

Shows I Might/Might Not watch

Dirty Jobs: Someone's got to do them and it might as well be this guy. This week: Cricket farming. Sounds...exciting...

Nova: Blowing your mind for years, NOVA finally issues an apology to all those who have died from their psychic electromagnetic pulses.

Biggest Loser: There are few reality shows I actually care for. It's really just one, The Amazing Race. But I do like how this show is the polar opposite of most of the wretched reality shows. It's the 2-hr. PSA at the end of GI JOE that's supposed to make up for the fact that its a show selling crap to your kids.

Scrubs: Knee deep in the zombie apocalypse, a group of ragtag doctors try to keep a dead show alive while working their way through med school. SOMEBODY CALL SOMEBODY!!!

Shows YOU Might/Might Not Watch

NCIS: Rolling Rock investigates a rash of fungal infections contracting from drinking their beer. Hint: Your fucking feet are in the water that makes my beer!

NCIS: Los Angeles: Former Wildcat joins Benippled Robin to do some Ninja Quincy act I have no interest in.

Last Restaurant Standing: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!! It better not screw up the risotto.

Life After People: That really expensive furniture you just bought turns into a shitbox for wild animals. What else do you think is going to happen?

Better Off Ted: A fairly decent show I can't get myself over to watch because there's no K-12, singing hamburgers, horrible cooking or Howard Cosell speaking Japanese people. But I hear it's a pretty good show all the same.

The Forgotten: Cold Case with Christian Slater as XXX.

American Idol: The show that brought you dwindling record sales and abusive criticism in a swirly, gooey concoction.

The Good Wife: Why isn't this a porno?

Not on MY TV You Don't

ECW, Blue Mountain State (A Show Dedicated to Extending the American Pie Franchise well past its undead state), Tabatha's Salon Takeover, Paranormal State, Chopped, Jay Leno in "The Road to Boca Raton."